He Traded Ten Days of Not Bombing Iran for Some Oil Tankers and a Robot

Now I’ve heard some things explained by some men who ought to know better, but I want you to sit with this one for a second.

The President of the United States extended his pause on bombing Iran — which, by the way, we already started bombing twelve days ago, so “pause” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence — and when the press asked him why, he said, and I’m quoting directly: “They gave me ships.”

Ten oil tankers. Through the Strait. That’s what bought ten more days of not blowing something up.

Now, I’m not a diplomat. I run coffee and pie to people who are tired and hungry. But even I know that a negotiation where you stop a war in exchange for boats is not what they teach at West Point.

He also told people the war was “way ahead of schedule.” Day twenty-six, sugar. Day twenty-six of a war he didn’t schedule, against a country that didn’t attack us, and he’s talking about it like it’s a kitchen renovation that came in under budget.

Then — and this is where it gets special — they held a cabinet meeting with a robot.

Not a metaphor. An actual robot. Melania had brought one into the White House the day before for some kind of AI summit, and apparently it stayed for the meeting. The most powerful government on earth, gathered around a table, and somewhere in that room there was a machine that doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, and still managed to be the second-dumbest thing in the room.

I don’t even know what the robot’s job title was. Probably “Senior Advisor.”

You want pie? I got peach. Real ones. Not robots.

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Sweetpea Diner, Somewhere in West Texas — We’ll be here when the dust settles.