He Wants Allies for His War and He's Mad Nobody's Clapping

Sugar, you ever invite yourself to throw a party and then get upset that nobody came?

That’s where we are.

The President started a war — didn’t ask Congress, didn’t phone a friend — and now he’s standing in the middle of the Strait of Hormuz holding a “COALITION WANTED” sign and getting real irritable that the applications aren’t rolling in.

He went after UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer by name for not showing enough “enthusiasm.” Enthusiasm. Like this is a pep rally and Starmer forgot his foam finger. Then he threatened — and I want you to sit with this — to pull NATO protection from countries that don’t fall in line.

So to recap: start a war unilaterally, demand allies follow you into it, and threaten the entire post-World War II security alliance if they decline. That’s the strategy. That’s the whole thing.

Japan and Australia — two countries we’ve spent decades building real relationships with — came out and said they hadn’t even been asked. Not snubbed. Not consulted and declined. Just… never contacted. Like when you send party invitations to half the class and act surprised the other half didn’t show.

The Hormuz coalition, as of today, consists of exactly one country. Guess which one. Hint: it starts with “U” and ends in “we did this ourselves.”

I’ve watched a lot of men try to look like they’re in charge of something they’ve lost control of. There’s a particular way the jaw sets. A way the eyes go a little too wide when they’re talking, like if they stop, the whole thing falls apart.

Honey, I recognize the look.

Warm you up before the dinner rush hits?