He Bombed Iran's Oil Hub and Posted the Video Like It Was a TikTok

Honey, I’ve served coffee to some proud men in my time. Roughnecks who just brought in a well. Ranchers who finally got rain after two dry summers. Men who earned their strutting rights.

This ain’t that.

Yesterday the United States military bombed Kharg Island — that’s the little patch of Persian Gulf real estate that handles about ninety percent of everything Iran sells to the rest of the world in oil. Ninety percent, sugar. That’s not a warning shot. That’s kicking the table over in the middle of dinner.

Now, a normal president might’ve made a sober address to the nation. Maybe put on a tie. Looked into a camera and explained the strategic reasoning to the American people who are about to watch gas prices do things they’ve never done before.

Not this one.

This one posted the bombing video on Truth Social.

With commentary. Triumphant commentary. Like he just hit a walk-off home run in a game he invented and also refereed. Then — and Lord help me, this is real — he called on other countries to send warships to keep the Strait of Hormuz open, because apparently blowing up the place that exports most of Iran’s oil might cause some shipping disruptions. You think?

You know how many countries said “absolutely, we’re in”?

Zero.

Not one. Crickets so loud you could hear ‘em over the explosions.

He’s standing in the middle of his own fire and hollering for somebody to bring marshmallows, and the whole neighborhood just turned their porch lights off.

I don’t know what happens next, sugar, but I know what a man who doesn’t have a plan looks like. I’ve seen it. Usually right before he asks if we can split the check.

You want a refill, or you need a minute?